It's called "complicated grief". All grief is painful and unpredictable. When one of the people dearest to you kills himself and arranges it so you find him, it's complicated. After my brother, Philip, took his own life, just over two years ago, I was in shock for many months, I'm not sure that I'm not still in shock. My only insurance was Medicaid and I could not find a therapist. I could not find a support group, I looked everywhere, asked everyone. Then a dear friend introduced me to Solace House (https://solacehouseusa.org). Solace House not only matched me with a Therapist, who does not charge, but, they admitted me into a group of other people who are suffering from the loss of someone from suicide. "Solus" means light. Every year, to raise money for their programs, Solace House has a walk into the light. Last year it was cancelled because of the pandemic but this year it is happening in multiple locations on June 12th. I have pledged to walk from 4am until the sun rises. I will never be able to fully show my gratitude to Solace House, but, I am trying to raise money to help them continue helping me and so many others. I wouldn't ask you to meet me at 4am on June 12th! But would you consider donating $5 to the people who have reminded me that if you hang on through the night, the light will come?