I've struggled with alcoholism since I first raided my father's liquor cabinet the late 80's. My Stepmom was dying of cancer at the time which devastated our household. We lived in Washington D.C. where it was easy for an “unmonitored” teen to find trouble. I was perhaps just shy of thirteen when I started dropping acid, but it's kind of all a blur up until recently. I was in arrested development unto eventual and nearly catastrophic depression in my mid 30's. I'm not sure how I faked my life up to my ultimate "sobriety" - or better yet - let's call it "the moment I learned how to be happy." Being able to crawl out of the dark hole of mental illness and its symptoms such as addiction are a mysterious gift. The gratitude and love I feel for that "Higher Power, God, The Universe, or Fate," - whatever vernacular pleases your senses - is something I feel honored to share. I wish I could just “give it” to anyone who needs it but it’s not that simple.
In celebration and gratitude for life in-general, I'm running all over the place in 2018! I'm running because I'm full of life again! My legs are strong, my skin is no longer pale green, I don't worry about how I'm going to drink through the day, and I don’t worry about factoring cigarettes & cheap booze into my weekly budget. I'm thriving and thus people I love are receiving this good energy which they deserve. That's the way it's supposed to be! I want this for everyone who wants it as well, and we all do: some of us just don't know how to start picking up our own plane crash. If you're caught in addiction's vicious cycle and are scared for your future, I'm here for you. I'm doing this for you! I only want you to see that happiness and peace are attainable. Addiction can seem so hopeless but redemption is always just around the corner albeit we’re often too blind to see it.
For perspective, not more than 5 years ago I was more than 50 pounds overweight (I stopped weighing myself at one point), a chain-smoker, a daily drinker of any cheap gut-rot alcohol, depressed, anxious, confused, scared, and very angry in-general. Factor in that coupled with all the aforementioned disfunction, I was existentially lost and beholden to a hollow career which I felt I hadn’t chosen for myself. With eventual clarity, I realized I had been living out a narrative that was "expected" or “sold” to me since as early as I can remember. I was navigating life with a set of limiting beliefs. Life is a story and we’re all writing our own stories every day. Each day is a gift of endless possibility, but when we are closed off from possibility we don’t recognize it in its myriad forms. How are we to be of any use to others let alone be good to ourselves, when we're miserable? We're not able to use our unique gifts when we're not standing in our own strength and purpose. It takes a leap of faith to believe you will find yours but all you need to do is start searching unattached to what you may find. If we're pessimistic and forlorn we simply attract similar things. Much of this confusion was baked into my psychological problems and using.
At the end of my “booze career” I wanted change very badly. Today I’m a 100 mile marathoner, a running coach at New Balance, a public speaker, and last but NOT least, an Ambassador for The Herren Project. I’m living proof that standing in the light will lead you there. It’s impossible to describe the innumerable details and fleeting realizations I had that ultimately lead me back “home” closer and closer to myself. Therefor, I plan on writing a little bit each week here about my struggles past and present as I hope it will bring some hope to others so please continue to check in! If my words inspire, comfort or help you feel like you’re not alone, please share them. If you can donate anything no please do. The funds we raise go to helping individuals. One more happy person spreads the light around them and makes their family & friends happy in turn. The effect ripples out indefinitely. This sort of thing sounded exceedingly airy to me until I began cleaning up my mess. I now recognize the pessimism of my past as limiting beliefs. Now, the “ripple effect” is as true and tangible as anything to me.
I plan on flying The Herren Project colors at the following races in 2018 with (“ONE BIG ONE” tba)
Feb 2, 2018 - ‘Rocky Raccoon’ 100-miler, Hunstville TX
April 7, 2018 - ‘Umstead Endurance Run’ 100-miler, Raleigh NC
May 5, 2018 - ‘Grayson Highlands’ 50k, Mouth of Wilson VA
June 6, 2018 - ‘Bryce Canyon’ 50-miler, Hatch UT
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