”Just For Today”
August 11th 2019 is the date that I finally admitted I can’t do this on my own.
I voluntarily entered treatment knowing I had tried everything on my own. I was blinded by my disease. I was on cruise control spinning out of control. My responsibilities were managed but I wasn’t.
It started summer of 2010 when I was introduced to A needle and never turned back. Heroin was my doc at the time. I kept it hidden for a while until my scars wouldnt heal. I was lying,hiding,stealing You name it just to get another fix. I was enslaved to the euphoric feeling that it produced. A year and a half later, after losing almost everything I sought after help. I was malnurished, my wife was done with me and we were expecting our first child. I entered into a MMP right before the birth of our daughter. I found God or shall I say God found me. I worked the program with no issues whatsoever. I was substance free within a year. Life was good. I stopped smoking dec 28 2012. And ran for the first time in my life, for fun. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that came over me after that first 6 miles of pounding the pavement. But in a good way. Then like every new runner dreamed of Boston. A good friend of mine told me about a 5k that was coming up, so I said how far is that and he said it’s far enough for you right now. I’ll never forget it was the Cupid cup 5k, had no clue how or what to do so I ran. I ran as hard as I could and finished with. 21:32. I thought that was slow because so many others were in front but I medaled in my age group. That’s the start of the addiction of running. Fast forward I ran 4 marathons and 4 ultra marathons and many 5k-half marathons in between. I thought I was safe from drugs. I was wrong, I believed I could do it once and be done with it... No it was the gateway to a living hell that I had molded back into. The monster was hiding waiting for the right moment to appear and it did. I was back on heroin, while I was running. I wanted both so bad that i mixed the two. But we all know how this ends up. Drugs over running thus I stopped running. And this was after completeing my first 100 mile race. I couldnt make the right choice. The option was preselected. Thats what’s dangerous about this disease. You can’t choose. It’s chosen for you. UNLESS you are equipped with the proper tools and people for your recovery. Heroin got to expensive and I was Introduced to the “devils dandruff”. Crystal meth was now my savoir. It is the single worse drug that you can do. It is a vacuum, it takes everything from you. You name it itll devour it. I was still working , now have 3 children A wife and no dignitY. I was so ashamed of myself when I finally admitted what I was doing. It’s hard to hide losing 30 lbs in a month and not sleeping for over 6 months. I am running for The Herren Project because I am fresh out of treatment and know how powerful it can be. They are a non profit organization that IS breaking the stigma from the disease of addiction. helping people that need it and want it. I heard Chris Herrens story when I was in treatment and was floored. I am raising money for this amazing organication By doing what I love to do which is running. This will be my first event since clean. I am asking for everyones support that can. Just for today, because you not promised tomorrow, it’s a gift. Accept it sober minded. Thanks for letting me share.