In the wake of Robin Williams suicide and a person who has experienced depression first hand this is a major issue in America. This disease effects 40 million Americans and is probably the biggest taboo disease. I hope to bring awareness with a social media movement with a #MentalHealthMarathon/MileChallenge. I am hoping to be a top 100 finisher in the NYC Marathon, this November, which is, also happens to be mental health awareness week the following week. Please help me with this goal of mine by giving me the extra motivation to be the best I can on November 2nd. If you do not have the financial means to donate I understand but try to run a mile, 5K, 10K, Half-Marathon, or Marathon for someone you know that has ever suffered from this disease.
My Story With Depression:
My sophomore year in college I had a battle with depression that got the best of me on most days I am going to tell you how I felt and how I have fighted for my life to control it as best as could.
At the time of my depression it started off as a persons typical bad day but it continued and continued. In the case of myself I tried tried my hardest to hide it as best as I could like nothing was wrong. Something you have to know about me I try to make the people around me feels happy and loved by my comic relief. I was able to continually able to do this but it cost me any happiness that I had. A close mentor of mine noticed that I was acting in a subtle different manner then usually. That’s when I persistently told her that I was fine. This was not the case I knew deep down there was nothing anyone or I could do for me but I stuck to my word and saw a physicist who this mentor of mine said I had to see. I meet every other day with this physicist but it was not helping. Did I ever tell either of them that it was not helping no I kept on figuring that if I faked it I would eventually make it. At this point the illness took complete control of my body. Imagine a time when you have been in excruciating pain for me I have broken a clavicle AKA collar bone and it almost punctured the skin but the depression was ten times worse because the brain is one of the most powerful tools. With my situation the brain processed emotional pain with physical pain. I was in so much physical pain I could not even leave my bed (yes I even pissed my bed because it was so hard to even get up). When you are in that much pain you want it all to end right away to ease the pain away. I thought of like a million ways to do it (kill myself) hanging, cutting, animal poison you name it they were all flashing through my head. When I finally tried to do it was just rash no note, no nothing my thought was would anyone care. I said "no, not at all." to myself. Just then when I got out of my bedroom to grab a razor to cut myself to bleed out because I believed the pain would leave with the blood my roommate and one of close friends to date asked me what I was doing and immediately called 911 which I am now thankful for. I was escorted to the local hospital psych ward. I convinced myself after 2 hours that what was I doing in here with all these crazy people. They thankfully had a stationarry bike which I rode for the next 12 hours strait. I then managed to convince the doctor that I was fine and this was a real reality check. I even seemed to convince myself I was fine for the moment. That next week I was able to somewhat cope but each day got worse and worse like before. I did learn something and that were to communicate with a few people I trusted the psychologist from school since she could not tell anyone anything, you have to love the law confidentiality agreements. This time I came in with a different mindset that was to learn how to control it. That first night back it was after midnight when I got checked in there was another patient that pulled the fire alarms literally hitting the security guards trying to escape. My first impression was oh man I have to get out of here ASAP that next morning I was at breakfast and one of the other patients started talking to me it happened to be the woman from the night before but didn't realize it until later she was the most down to earth person I have ever meet in my life. She apologized from the night before even though she didn't remember a thing. She had a form of parasomnias which is a form of remaining where you believe is happening while you are sleeping she told me that her family was in a fire and was tiring to help them escape. The question to myself was how could someone this kind, down to earth, and peaceful have that happen to them. I came to realize we don't have a choice to be having these illnesses just like you don't have a choice to have cancer, Parkinson’s, or any other disease. I had to accept this was part of me but I hated the medication I was on it made me feel like a zombie minus the rotten flesh. I had to find ways to cope with this it has not been an easy journey but I have grown from the experience. After though the same issue came up so I decided to take time off school this allowed me to focus on my health and adjust to my life. I am proud of my achievements though because 3 years I reenrolled at the same university where I finished up with amazing grades and I am currently running and working on different life ambitions.
I just want to thank anyone that helped me when I was in a time of need your help was not wasted.